Don't Know...

Recently I've been paranoid over lot of stuff...
or should i say its been always like that but uncontrolable state has been aware lately
if i would ask my buddy... He'll say if you notice a things happen then you're not suffering that illness...
sometimes i wander what he say is right... but for now everything he say I accept that its true :)...
somehow i need to let it out some where...
but where I'm still searching...
but the effect seems to bother my buddy a lot ( that's what i think )
recently almost everything in my mind come out -ve thinking
so far after the incident everyone left one by one seems to becoming a trauma to me...
How to over come???
i always say to myself ( monolog ) "time will wash away everything" like I'm going insane...But when the trauma will fade???
I know what i should be doing...but my body is not listening to it...
and I've become a two headed snake too... doing this in front turning around I'm doing another stuff
and I've seriously selfish for the 1st time...
and its a big wish I've wished for...its still a secret like "it must not be say"

Feelings of Home Alone 2

same event of the year...
and twice I've been alone at home ( Padang )
to say its not fun I don't feel any,
to say its boring I just get the busy feeling
what did i feel anyway
sometimes i just think my friends was right once...
I'm just like no feelings...
or I have too many feelings that until i don't know how to show it
only thing I do most is smile or expressionless...

wanted to try new stuff while alone but don't know what to do...
wanted to read a book, but I don't have the will
wanted to go out for a walk, my feet like a thousand pound heavy
so what I want actually, I don't know -_-

hoping someone will guide me but it seems I'm too dependent on hoping...
but without hoping I live in despair
but can I live without despair~~

so now I'm just doing what i want to pass my times
with lot of things not solved
piling up high like a mountain
and let my sleep wash away everything @_@
waiting the return of my savior ( friends )
so that at least something ( happiness ) is store in my empty brain...

Alone In The Dark

Its so silent that night on that street
The road diverge into 2 up ahead
one to a bright light, crowded with ppl...
Another to a lonely, dark street...
Somehow I manage to hook myself to the lonely dark street and lost my way out
struggling to free myself and yet I fail~~
tough friends are needed but they won't be there forever for me...
they have their live to move on and so do I...
But how can i walk on the road without regretting every step i take???
each step took me away from the crowd...
each step its like a needle poking into my heart....
wanted to cry but its not right to be soft at this very moment...
try to be tough but I don't have enough strength...
Though i look big in size...
but I'm just as fragile as an egg from the inside...
(- _ - )

The Story Of A Dumb Boy( give comment pls)

This is so not fantasy
exam is near and this show that I'm still dumb in my life in some way
I think I'll be the 1st Malaysian guy to be caught on this kind of prank...
Should I or shouldn't I start cursing this kind of people??? That's the question???
things goes like this...
I was busy with something and suddenly I receive a call from an unknown no.
Whom he say he is from Jakarta XL centre... OK I'm still with the guy( which usually I'll just ignore this type of call )
so he just continue saying all kind of stuff like...
what competition due to 18 anniversary of XL user...
So after that he say I've won 5 juta...and 500K credit...
wow man!!!
I knew that this is always a lie...but weirdly I'm still talking with him...
then he ask me something: stupidly I did everything
1)Bank's account I say I don't have my book
2)I give him my card no.
3)I told him my last name Han And he pronounce as " an " in Bahasa Indonesia( as usual)
4)and I do go to the bank as he told too...

4 stupid things i did today...
but one smart things i did...
I ask someone to follow me...

when I reach to the ATM machine
my friend notice that there's a man glancing at me suspiciously as soon as I arrive

then I did as he told, hello 3 times to the phone to connect back the line to him
and it did...
then procedure is enter my card then pin no.
then he ask for the balance of my account
and I told him Rp7,000 in my account only
then he say there should be more than that to enter the competition...

my friend say the guy outside moved away after I told the guy in the phone I got Rp7,000 in my account

with the help of my superb best friend I was able to come home safely
then they say I was being hypnotize by the guy in the phone...
eventually my hearing make a fool out of me....
I heard them saying "ayam notice" instead of 'hipnotis'...
hahaha~~

my friend told me this when we on the way home
which i decide to put in this blog to remind myself :)
[we are not that desperate enough to receive stuff from them, we must earn our own money, spend our own money and not spending money from them]

few weird things happen here
1) The guy call say he is from Jakarta HQ of XL... for a guy working there he should know that he is not suppose to ask things like that on a phone...
2) his voice is quite rough when I say I'm using English with my ATM please talk in English...that's not suppose to be a way to treat a customer whom win a price...that means he don't know how to speak in English and he is not in the line of customer service.
3) he keep on calling me after that... want to continue his trick??? who knows ???
4) am i really hypnotized... "ayam notice"... hahaha...

my brain keep on thinking why??? why am I so stupid to fall to that kind of lie or prank...
is really I'm being hypnotized or I'm doing it on my own free will...
its like a confuse feeling I'm having now...
only thinking of why am i so stupidly fooled by a phone call now...
haiz....
end of the story...

TO CHILDREN OF A PARENTS

Dear Son...

The day you find that I have become old.. try to have some patience with me and try to understand me...

If I repeat the same things a dozen times, do not interrupt me! listen to me !

when you were young, you kept asking me to read you the same story....

evening after evening until you fell asleep and i did it happily...

If I sometimes lose my memory or i am not able to follow a conversation, give me the necessary time to recollect myself...

if i do not get there.. do not become impatient or arrogant because the most important thing for me is to be with you and to be able to speak to you

And when one day..I shall say to you that i do not want to live anymore... that i want to die..do not be angry .. because one day you will also understand ..

One day you will understand that in spite of all my errors, i have always wanted what was best for you...

Now this is my fantasy... to have a dog that smile to you when you feel sad or down
To have all this picture moving, coming out from my wall and jump around me and accompany me
:) silly me but that's a fantasy...

SCARY... OR MAYBE THINKING TOO MUCH

Seeing people look innocent doesn't mean a person is harmless...

This is applicable to me

A little secret to share...

Today is my worst day of playing footsal...

Gotta keep it here, in my blog as a memory before i lost it again and repeat the same mistake

Everything going out fine until i get to play as a defender...

Which as usual they'll ask me to "stay there and don't move from my position" or c command that make me confuse...

This phrase confuse me... should i just stay there or should i just play and chase the ball

What i'm suppose to do...

My instinct told me to just move around and catch the ball as usuall which i'll get pump up and charge like a bull or getting all rough up...

Then there come the scene contain horrifying act that keep on flash inside my mind

The first 2 person that i injured is a person i don't wish to injured...its my housemate

I know the concept of "no pain no game" but the way i injured him freak me out

First i try to tab the ball from him, i fail then i accidentally step on his right foot then on his left foot again... after that he fall to the groung like a parachuteer jumping out from a choper

'poop'... o my god...

The strangest feeling like i was trying to kill him flash from my mind... making me feel awfully guilty for that fall...

Then come the 2nd strike... it seems llike i'm tapping my 2nd housemate's ball with style but i make him fall down too...

Then 3rd strike... i was trying to goal the ball instead of making a goal the ball roll from my senior's foot and hit him on a face...haiz... :(

So does this conclude that i shouldn't be playing games because i always feel guilty after each games????

Is that suppose to be felt by a player? or they should just go easy on that matter and forget it???

people say its ok... never mind bout that incident... but what they truely felt is what I don't know

but one thing for sure is that they're all very very and really nice to me

FRIENDS...PART 1

They Love You, but they are not your lover
They Care For You, but they are not from your family
They Are Ready To Share Your Pain, but they are not in your blood relation
They Are Friends!!!

True Friend
SCOLD like a DAD
CARE like a MOM
TEASES like a SISTER
IRRITATES like a BROTHER
And
LOVE YOU more than a LOVER

FRIENDS!!!

Everyone got their own point of view into this matter…
Some say friends are meant to be used…
Some say friends are the second closest person one will have than a family…
Some say friends a symbol of social…
As for me…
My friends are like my family…
They’re always there for me when I needed them…
Although sometimes I may get hurt…
But who won’t!!!
That’s the process of learning…
They teach me stuff I don’t know or not sure of…
They guide me through most of my obstacle during classes…
They keep me accompany too…
Make sure I ain’t lonely always…
They keep me joyful and happy…
But one thing all human being can’t do…
That will be…
Human can’t keep things forever in their side…
One day things will either
Fall a part…
Or…
Fade away…
And bidding farewell to each other…
Then remain as a memory in each other…
That’s the part I dislike most ever since I start to know…
Its hard for me to get a friend
That know about you…
Care about you…
Feel what you feel…
Each farewell makes me feel sad…
Am I too greedy for having lot of best friend…
Am I too bossy for not letting them go…
We won’t know when we’ll be parted with this beautiful world…
A world that full with friends, loves, happiness, sadness and lots of feelings…
That’s why I must be vary thankful to my god for giving me a group of best friend…
Appreciate the friendship that’s given to me…
Keeping the bond as tight as it will be and hopefully it won’t snap…
To all my dearest friends and housemate…
Hopefully our bond of friendship will win against my absent mind…
Hehehe…

TO BECOME A LEADER !!!

Wow…
What a day…
Wake up early in the morning just to join an out door activity
But reach there realize I forget to bring my wallet (as usual)
Can’t turn back now…. Since I have limited time…hehehe
It was around 8 am…
Still a nice weather…. Coolin morning breeze with a warm golden sun ray
We took off to our destination….
Moving around one hours on the road…
And….
Can’t believe the bus driver actually manage to get us lost in somewhere else…
Reaching around 9:30am WIB(Waktu Indonesia Barat)
The sun begin to give the sensation of burning to my skin…
Starting with small prayer for blessing then we start our event…
First I thought it’s something important…
Because it’s a compulsory event
But it turn out to be nothing so important… “just an out door games”
Then the games begin…
We were doing a big circle by 50++ people doing some silly move as a head start…
Then dividing to group of uneven amount of people then we start playing circling a hoop.
Can’t believe we’re doing that…it’s under the sun man!!!
But they say it to train our teamwork…
So I think I still can accept it for the moment
Then we proceed with our own group cheer leading…
Its kindda weird and funny at the beginning….
Hehehe…. Actually it’s because I didn’t memorise the song…
Forget about that cheer leading stuff…
Then we go to our 1st game post…
The pillar of life…
Wow… sound awesome…dangerous and challenging too
It is how its been describe…
We have to form a stable base then stack up to 3 people height just to put in a hoop
My team fall more then twice before we manage to put in the hoop…
But we won the games…
Can’t imagine the pain my teammate suffer from falling down such height
Lucky me… I’m at the base cause I’m heavy…
Hey….
Don’t judge a book by it’s cover
I’m not fat
Then its 11:am…
The sun begin to blaze like a big fireball…. Oh my god!!!
Please save me….
Every ray’s of the sun its like spear piercing into my skin….
And still need to continue our games…
Six more games to go….

At the end of the day...

I'm like a metal that came out of the fire...

Red in colour....

Ouch!!!

And my whole body is aching...

A single touch is making a big pain in me

Reaching home around 8

Then poof....

Flat on my bed...

Can't believe its that difficult to undergoes a training becoming a leader!!!