Change of a Man

all fragment memory.. hope i'll be better after i write it out...
no one to listen to it...

the way you speak is monotone( no feeling ), can you even feel what ppl feel?
FUCK YOU... the way i speak got nothing to do with i can feel others feeling... can you feel it?

racist here and there... you racist ar.... and now i think i'm going racist in the house

feeling of being neglacted... no one care about it because its non of their business...

every action i did like a gay... the more gay you think i am the more gayer i'll be...
how can i live like that...
hoping you would change me after the contamination... FUCK YOU!!! you made it worst

asking me to trust you... but you betray someone that trust you in front of me... and you ask me to help you with it too... can't you just be honest about it? just that you forget about and it nothing big.. is lying needed?

FUCK this fragment memory... FUCK!!!FUCK!!!FUCK!!!

staring at the airway in my dark room...
thinking back of what have i done...
snap!!!

thinking the day i crack myself and do something stupid is near if I don't find a solution fast...
HELP!!!! I cried in my mind few punches to the wall feeling sorry for doing it
not helping but to injured myself...
sitting in front of my buddha and chantting...
hoping it'll make me recover fast but so long i'm not clear in my mind it'll be a waste effort...
begging my god to help me over come my situation... AMITABHA...AMITABHA...AMITABHA